"Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do. It does not mean we have to leave the present world as it is. If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next... It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither" (Lewis 134).
This quote impacted me quite a bit when I first read it because I realized that I very rarely consider my thoughts and actions in the context of the eternal world. While I know that eternal life is what I am looking forward to, the fact that what I do now has very real implications in that eternal life just does not cross my mind very often. Looking back, I know that I have made decisions that aim at earth instead of Heaven. For example, sometimes I work so hard at getting good grades to the point of real anxiety, even though that means nothing important in the long run. Many people on Earth value the concept of a 4.0, but what good does it do to me to spend my time freaking out over a test when I could be doing something else that glorifies God. I spend hours and hours of my time on schoolwork and homework, and even more on worrying about it all, to ensure that I maintain my title as Someone Who Gets Good Grades. I quickly burn out from this and avoid work when possible, but still force myself to get all of it done. In the end I'm left with paralyzing anxiety and a migraine to match. Many people have told me that God tells us not to be anxious about anything, so I know in my head that I'm not doing what God wants, but I find it so hard to let this go and trust in God.
I also find that thinking about eternal life makes my brain hurt. The most obvious reason for this is that, as a human, I cannot fathom the concept of eternity, which in turn would make my brain hurt. But there are a couple of other reasons as well. For one, the eternal life that comes after the death of my earthly body is so absolutely and utterly unknown and unknowable until the soul arrives there that it freaks me out. I am a person who likes to know things. One of the reasons I love reading so much is that I learn from it both about the world and the people who live in it. The fact that I cannot know for sure what eternal life will be like, or even, I suppose, that I will be spending it in Heaven, gives me a weird feeling in my stomach. The other aspect of eternal life that scares me is that I know for sure that many, many people die each day without turning to Christ which means that they will go to Hell. I crave deep down in my heart to be able to help as many people as I can, but I almost always let something stop me. "I have social anxiety" or "that person doesn't look like someone who wants to hear me speak about Christ" or "this person will probably reject me so why bother?" are just some of the excuses I've used. I know in my head that I need to help people see the Way, the Truth, and the Life, but I still have a long way to go before I force myself to act on that knowledge.
As I bounce this section of the book around in my head I realize how much I do what God wants when it's easy or convenient for me, but certainly not all of the time. Really, what's the worst that would happen if I did get a B? God would still love me, my friends and family would still love me, I would still get into college, everything would be just fine. However, what's the worst that would happen if I stop myself from leading others to Christ? They end up going to Hell to be eternally separated from God. While I still want to keep my 4.0, I have started putting its importance into perspective. I know that I have something to look forward to that isn't just escapism, but too many people have no such future, so it is my duty to make the number of those people decrease.
Hannah, GREAT JOB!!! this is so real and amazingly written!! double thumbs up!!! I really appreciate what you said about anxiety, and not letting it overrule our lives :) that was a really great point!!
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and amazing!!! no one can ever tell you otherwise, and if they do, they are absolutely crazy!!!
Hannah, you really do inspire me with how driven you are! Also how strong you are and how no matter how much work needs to be done, you work at it and do your very best! I can totally relate to the anxiety that comes along with school and homework and late nights and AH mental breakdowns! You are such and amazing person and I am so glad to have you around and discuss "finer things" with you. :)
ReplyDeleteOh goodness, Hannah, that bolded bit is my absolute favorite quote in the book! How did you know?! xD Of course I understand the anxiety over scholastic expectations; just keep reminding yourself that one day they won't even remotely matter. I do want to say one thing in the way of encouragement: there is hope! I mean, that's the title of this chapter, right? I have watched you grow out of your shell, that quiet girl I once knew is developing burning passions for the things that she believes in. She's not afraid to vocalize, either, which I think is absolutely glorious. I know that God will continue working on you, and such things will extend to the courage to face the social anxiety and ignore any potential ridicule for being real about your faith.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it is so great that the desire to share Christ is so forefront in your mind. Just keep pursuing Heaven, girl, you WILL get there. :)
You know what I sort of wish? I sort of wish you had posted this on Saturday. :)
ReplyDeleteFrom one scholastic over-achiever to another: there is a time for everything. "There is a time for buckling down, and a time for blowing things off," as Solomon (didn't) say. One cool thing I discovered in college: when you're making a point to live for God, He actually really truly helps with schoolwork. I remember several packed days when spending time with people took precedent over homework. I knew the people-time was where God wanted me, but I would still send up angsty prayers after midnight when finally sitting down to write an essay due the next day. "Okay God," I remember saying. "I need you to show up big time right now, because my brain is exhausted." And tah daaaah! God-magic ensued.
I wish I could say that I have become convinced of God's faithfulness due to my own enlightened thinking, but honesty, the confidence has grown more because of God-magic when doing homework. Also from travel mercies abroad and perfect parking spots downtown. I know it sounds ridiculous. (God must have known we had to start somewhere.)
All that to say: keep including Him during all the bouts of anxiety, all the stress, all the feverish project-finishing. See how He starts weighing in. It's AWESOME that one of the first biggest realizations He's sent your way is the urgency of telling people the Good News. That is exciting Hannah!!
Way to blog. :)
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